The Lost Kid

It has been over a year since I went on a solo trip to the place where broken hearts go, or the city of pines, or the summer capital of the Philippines, or simply Baguio.  I know exactly where we celebrated our first anniversary, the place where we stayed, the restaurant we visited to have lunch, the garden where we talked about what's ahead of us, the mines view, the place where we bought fresh lettuce, and above all the that, the place we called home for three days - our happy place.  From hours of bus ride to walking an endless road. From looking for a place to stay to hugging you real tight on that cold night. From dining in a fancy restaurant to eating Luck Me! beef noddles with fresh veggies. It may be sad that we have taken a different route to free ourselves and to give us what we really want but I am also happy at the same time since we can now do the things we want, whatever we want, whenever we want.  From small arguements to leave-me-alone. ...

Hi Em, I wrote this letter to let you know how down I was and how well I am today. On the 9th of January 2016, you broke my heart into a million pieces. That was the day I died inside. You told me you didn't love me anymore and I didn't matter anymore and that you had sex with someone who was better than me. That was the day I lost everything. I lost my friends, I lost my time with my family, and most of all, I lost myself. I had sleepless nights. I didn't eat right. I worked out more than I should and exhausted myself by running kilometers after kilometers after kilometers. I tried to find my way out inside this huge maze of doubts and fears. I abused my body. I smoked like shit and didn't speak with anyone. I cried for months. I cried almost everywhere. In my room, in the office, even in the washroom. I didn't know who I was but that didn't matter. I unloved myself. I hated myself. I cried everytime I heard the phrase "always and f...